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Tags: Struggles
I fully realize that you probably do not struggle with jealousy. But for the sake of that friend who might (wink, wink), let’s chat about it.
The green-eyed monster gets the best of us. It’s that desire to not just be better, but the best.
According to dictionary.com, Jealousy is: resentment against a rival enjoying success or advantage.
I thought the word “rival” was interesting here, because, Well, sometimes we’re not jealous of our rival – sometimes it’s a best friend, or sister, or daughter.
Ahh…how foolish of me! Because when jealousy arrives, it creates rivals! We can be joyful and happy to see a friend, then they tell us they received something GREAT (a promotion, a boyfriend, a car, a friend), and then BAM! They turn into a rival in our own mind.
I heard once that another’s success does not mean your failure. But sometimes, we think of it that way.
If I have learned one thing, it’s this:
Joy Unites.
Jealousy Divides.
Every Time.
Now, it’s YOUR turn! Comment below – I’ll list a few starter questions you can use if you’d like.
Homework: Read Luke chapter 1. Look at how Elizabeth greeted Mary. How would things have been different if Elizabeth greeted Mary with jealousy instead of joy?
17 Responses
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its hard to not have true joy because other peoples success’ and accomplishments make us feel less and that we should do more. then feeling that way leads us to question whether we are doing enough. it’s hard to have true joy when we are striving constantly to be better in every way.
Well done! I’m proud of you and very impressed! Great content and love your questions. I think jealousy comes from a root of discontent, if we measure ourselves against someone else we will always feel less than, but if instead we seek our contentment from God, we will see that He loves us just the way we are. We are in His image, therefore we are enough.
Hi, Bre’anna!
First of all, I just want to say how much I miss everyone at CBC while are are on our adventure up north for the next couple years!
Jealousy is definitely a green-eyed monster. I think we all experience it from time to time. It seems to creep up on us when we forget to appreciate what we already have in our lives. Sometimes the grass looks greener on the otherside, but maybe we just need to water our own grass!
Something I struggle with is when God blesses me with an achievement, others around me bring me down. If I get a good grade in a class, or I get ahead on my homework, others tease me or bring me down and turn it into something negative. I would love ideas on how to deal with this.
Thanks and God Bless!
I’ve seen over the years that 1.God knows my heart, so why have envy/jeslousy stored up in there…when what matters most is that God looks at the heart (hint hint…this should be first in my mind ALWAYS!) and 2. I try to view everyone as how I would want my daughters to be treated or how I would react if it were my
dear sister or my dearest kindred spirit friend!!! I would hug them, cry tears of joy with them, laugh at how crazy the journey has been…rejoice for THEM!!!
Miss you too, Em! And to answer your question, I think when you can recognize jealousy in others, it helps us be understanding that it’s something discontented in them and not you.
You DO practice what you are preaching here, Sharlain. You’re aways so positive and genuinely happy for others.
I can honestly say I can be happy for friends and/or family when something great comes their way. The type of jealously I deal with is the constant pressure in this society to look perfect. I cant help but to be jealous when I see a girl with the perfect hair, body, style, etc. I sometimes put too much thought into working out and watching what I eat for the wrong reasons.
Kelli – you are so right. The weight we place on looks in our culture is devastating. I struggle with this too, and I think it’s safe to say that almost all women do. The thing that helps me the most is Psalm 139:13-16.
He MADE you and formed EVERY little part. In fact, girl, I think you just gave me my next blog post idea! I won’t write too much or I’ll have nothing left to say!
I’m already looking forward to that post. I must say I love this blog. Thank you for taking your time to do this!
Such great thoughts Bre’anna. It will be good to hear from you since I dont get to see you often enough! I do think it is hard to be joyful for others when we are focused on SELF and what others think of us (idolatry of man vs. The fear of the Lord) before our God and our Savior. I think practicing the very act of thankfulness and gratitude for that person fights off negative and selfish feelings…replacing a positive thought for a negative one. A heart of gratitude produces genuine joy. As we practice this, we get better over time and it can become a real part of our
hearts by the grace of God if the Spirit is at work in our hearts and our minds. Love that you ask tough questions that we all struggle with in this life!
I have tried to type a response to this post several times, and I can’t. Each time I come up with an excuse, it’s just that, an excuse. What a wake-up call to make a better effort to be more joyful than jealous, and to spend time being truly joyful when my friends/family accomplish things instead of spending time thinking “why can’t I do/have/be that??”
Great food for thought. I look forward to the next post!
Love this blog!! So proud of you, sweet friend.
On the jealousy topic, I think it is in our sinful nature to be jealous. If I don’t consciously choose joy for a friend who is successful, then I’m jealous. I may not act on the jealosy, but I feel it. Anyone else have that same struggle? I may be weird
@Mandy-You are not weird! I feel the same way at times, but you would never know I am jealous. It’s not something I am proud of and I try to talk myself through it. I am disgusted with myself when I feel that way, so I pray about it. I know I’m not the only one, but I am definitely hard on myself about feeling that way.
I struggle with jealousy. I mean it is an EVERYDAY struggle for me. My problem is that I want children. All of my childhood dreams revolved around just that. There have been many obstacles placed in front of me, and I tend to give up sometimes. I cry everyday over this very reason, and sometimes I find my heart grows very jealous when I see the joy of others experiencing all of my dreams, all of my wishes. It is not that I am not happy for them, I think it is just because I WANT that joy. I fear I never will experience it for myself.
The other issue is that both of my parents are battling cancer. I help to take care of them. I fear that even if I am finally blessed with a child, that it will not know my parents. I see how they are with my sister’s son (and she is also pregnant now), and I tend to become very jealous of that too.
My husband and I were supposed to start trying after our wedding, last year, but a week after we said ‘I do’, he sprang the news on me that he did not feel that way anymore. He already has 4 adolescent children.
I am sorry that I dumped all of this on your ladies. I have just been really searching for a place where I can get some of this out, as I feel sometimes that it is destroying me.
Your blog on beauty was… well, it was BEAUTIFUL. Thank you Bre’anna!
Sarah, I am so sorry for your struggles and while I understand jealousy itself I couldn’t begin to imagine the struggle you are facing but I am really glad that you were able to share it here.
My step mother has no children of her own either. She has two step children, myself, 26 and my sister who is 24. She came into my life about 16 years ago and my father is not able to have any more children. She had to make a choice and it was really hard for her but she had to choose between my dad and potentially having children with someone else. She decided that she loved my dad so much that the love would fill that space that her “own” children might have filled. She decided that having two step daughters was the same as having her own kids. Growing up it took me so long to realize what kind of sacrifice she made to be apart of out family. I didn’t appreciate it of course until I was grown and out of the house!
When I became pregnant with my son at the end of 2008 she became very attached and I used to joke (no, not gossip) that she was living vicariously through me in pregnancy, now I am so glad that she was attached. I felt like I was able to share with her that part of children that she missed. I felt like I was able to sort of give her something she could not had otherwise, it was almost like I was able to show her gratitude for everything that she gave up all those years ago. It made me appreciate her in a whole new way. My stepmother was not able to make it down to me when my son was born. She was home taking care of her mother who was ending her 6 year battle with cancer. My son never got to meet her and see with his own eyes how grand she was. But he will get to see plenty of pictures and hear many stories about her wonderful life.
While I am sure that may not be as helpful as some other but it shows how she was able to overcome her feelings and find another way to be fulfilled. She has been a fantastic mother to me and she has taught me so many things about life and I think they made me a good person. I am thankful that she chose us.
Oh and I deal with jealousy ALOT myself. Growing up I was quite jealous of my sister. It was more than sibling rivalry. I hated the fact that she was better than me at EVERYTHING!
We both played softball, she, of course was graced with a natural talent for the sport where as I worked my behind off for average. I loved the sport and only played as a way to spend more quality time with my father so I didn’t mind until my varsity year of ball when the coach made me sit the bench and he brought her in to play! I was embarrassed because one of my leaders even thought my sister was better than me, and he let me know it by benching me and bringing her up and we had too many people on the team anyway. (ANYWAYS)
My sister, who was birthed by the same people as me, looks nothing like me. She is blonde, I’m brunette, she is athletic looking NATURALLY, and I live in the gym and look “average.” I don’t think I am an ugly person but I just didn’t get her curves. (maybe I should have been reading the beauty blog then!)She made everything look so effortless, she got better grades, didn’t get into trouble like I did, she was a great cheer leader and I couldn’t turn a cartwheel if my life depended on it. She just seemed way more graceful than I and what bugged me the most was I thought she was so much COOLER than me… And boy, I just wanted so bad to be “cool”. We both joined the Army, I got out as a Specialist E4 and she is still in as a Staff Sergeant E6. I mean, REALLY, she beat me there TOO!!! It was my idea to join the Army in the first place.
Then it hit me, she was never trying to be better than me, she was trying to just be with me. I am 3 years older than her and she followed me everywhere, I signed up for all the sports FIRST. It wasn’t her fault that she was naturally talent. I went off to the Army first, but she was proud of what I accomplished and wanted me to be proud of her too. I still think she is cooler than me but I no longer look at her with envy, I am just glad to be around her. But all that time I was so worried about her stealing my lime light when she was just looking up to me. Man, I felt pretty foolish after that.
Now when I talk about my sister to people I talk about how great she is in sports and how naturally pretty she is, what a good hearted young lady she has become and what an honor it is to have a family member who has excelled the way she has in the armed forces, I know it’s not easy. I am now proud of her rather than jealous. I get JOY out of being around her instead of wasting my time trying to figure out how I was going to one-up her.
To admit this here is quite a feat for me, I think, I have never said any of that out loud especially not to people who know me personally. I am pretty sure Bre’anna and my sister were in the same grade.
Thank you so much Stacey! Your story did help me a lot! Things get tough for me sometimes, but I know God has a plan. You are right, the children may not see the sacrifices I make to be part of their family now, but I am sure they will one day.
Thanks again for letting me get it out, and thanks even more for sharing your story with me.